What does it mean to be you? Have you ever really thought about these questions as they pertain to you? Yes, I realize you live them out on a daily basis, but have you ever taken the time to process this out? I’m not talking about your height, weight, where you live, where you born. I’m talking about you at your core. How would you define a family? Do you include grandparents, great grandparents? What role does a family play in daily life? What do you define as the “correct” way to raise a child? What are you views on spirituality/religion? How do you value individualism vs. collectivism? The list could go on and on.
The question of “what does it mean to be you” is one of the greatest starting points for building relationships centered on trust and understanding that I have ever been asked or asked of others. It’s a great starting place for those of you looking for a way in with that student, co-worker, parent or administrator you’ve been struggling to find a relationship with. Ask it, listen to their response and be prepared with your own. It builds a great shared understanding, it’s just not the only piece to the puzzle. You see, when someone shares what it means to be them, there are a few possible outcomes. You could realize that you have a lot in common with this other person. You could see a totally different perspective. You could also realize that someone has a totally different values and beliefs system than anything you would ever want to wrap your head around. The second, and maybe most important question in fostering a relationship built on trust is: “How will you respond to someone whose definitions and core values seem to fly in the face of what defines you?” First and foremost don’t have a knee-jerk reaction. Be committed to finding a positive outcome from this experience. Be humorously curious and avoid a “how could you think that way” attitude. Also, be subtle. When working through conflicting points of view you don’t want to draw attention to yourself or the other(s) involved. Particularly with students, you’ve got to remember that their life experiences have shaped their core values. Walking hand-in-hand with that is the fact that children often don’t choose all of their life experiences. Parents, grandparents or even a series of unfortunate circumstances can have a profound impact on how a child views him or herself. Relationships based on trust take work. A part of that work is being reflective with yourself. Take some time to consider what it means to be you and how you will respond to working with someone who doesn’t quite come from the same mold. If you’ll dedicate the time, you’ll see the fruits of your labor.
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AuthorJeff Lahey Archives
January 2020
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