If you've been a reader for the last year then you are probably aware that I set out to accomplish two things in 2018; write a book and start my own 501(c)3 organization. The book is still a work in progress (I'm at 15,000 words) but One Less for One More is now a reality. Looking back on it, I won't say that I can't believe it; I was quite determined to do this. What I will say is that I can't believe how much being lifelong learner played in the process and will continue to moving forward.
You see, I don't have a business/organization-building background. I didn't study it in college, I've never started a business before and until about a year ago, I didn't know the first thing about being "entrepreneurial." In fact, most people would have said a year ago that I just "didn't have the skills." That's where they would be wrong. You see, I have the greatest skill someone in the 21st century can have, I can foster my own learning, growth, and development. I didn't just learn a lot about building an organization. Indeed, my organization at its current state is still small. I'm still learning about building it. What I learned, as follows, was about learning itself: 1. Passion May Be The Most Powerful Learning Tool I'm doing what I'm doing because I'm passionate about it. Please don't confuse this with like it, intrigued by it or even enjoy it. I'm passionate about it. That's one of the first things I learned; passionate people can do something they know nothing about just because of their passion. You can't ever underestimate the power of a person passionate about a cause. They'll learn whatever they need to in order to bring that cause to life. 2. I Didn't Need Anyone to Guide Me, Just Cheer Me On Nobody told me what to do, how to do it or when it was "due." In fact, it's never going to be due because it's always going to be growing, evolving and becoming better than it was before. I didn't need someone telling me the way they'd do it or asking me to choose from a few options on how to do it. I didn't even need someone to assign it to me. I was going to do it. What I needed was people that believed in me, people that could act as a sounding board for when I needed to talk things out. People that new that because of my passion, I was capable of doing it, even on the days when I didn't feel like I could. 3. There's No Wrong Way to Learn Something I didn't follow a learning process. There was no pedagogy of how to do this the right way. I did it the way it worked for me. I researched (without a card catalog I might add), I read, I talked to people and I took risks. Somedays I did each of those things each day, others, maybe one or two. I also didn't repeat a whole lot. I might have read or researched some of the same things a few times but the takeaways were different each time I did so. I also didn't make Monday a research day, Tuesday a reading day etc. I did what I need to when I needed to and how I needed to. I've learned a lot from this experience and I know much more is to come. Being a 1-man 501(c)3 is not the easiest job I've ever had. I work late nights and on the weekends, the Christmas Party is pretty lame and the view from my office looks a whole lot like a kids playroom. So why do I push on? Because I'm passionate, I've got some great cheerleaders and I'm conquering this mountain in way that I have full ownership of, not at the behest of someone else.
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Yep, it's a line from a Goo Goo Dolls song that exploded on to the pop-music scene in 1998. It's also a line that I fall back on when I talk to people about building relationships with kids, parents and other community members. You see, we all look the same when we put on a good suit, we all sound the same when we throw around our best education speak, and we all leave the same mark on someone in doing these things. What's that mark? The mark of the unspectacular. A forgettable moment lost amongst so many others in time. The beige of the color spectrum.
People don't remember us for our job titles, for our ability to blend in. They remember us for what makes us us. The things we're passionate about. Things that don't come across as calculated hype or cliche. This week I will have an opportunity that I am always grateful for, one that will allow me to let people into who I am. A teacher at my school (where I am new this year) has given me the opportunity to come and speak to her class. I've done this before. In fact, I approached her about doing it. She teaches a class called Human Growth and Development and one of their units just happens to be on families. To make a long story short I have a unique perspective on families. I was adopted as a child and I have also adopted a child of my own. Adoption is something very near and dear to my heart. I believe that all kids deserve a chance at a quality life. It's why I became an educator. I'm excited to speak to them because I am passionate about the subject, but I am also passionate about people getting to know me, getting to know what drives me, inspires me, makes me smile and makes me cry. I don't want to be just another guy with a button down collar that likes kids. I want kids, teachers, parents, community members and all the other stakeholders to know me. Beyond just getting to know me, my hope is that my own words will be someone else's inspiration, become their why, or be the thing they've been needing to hear. Something that lets them know they're not alone. Brad Meltzer said "Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind always." His point is spot on but let me say, you may not know anything about the battle that person is fighting, but you may just hold the right words to deliver them from their struggles just by sharing about what makes you, you. It's in this that we impact lives. We have a chance to do this as educators and I am hoping that my endeavors this week are just the beginning of many moments like that this year. I've come to realize lately that the people I enjoy working with the most are the one's that don't always share my same opinions, approaches or solutions. Sometimes we agree, sometimes we disagree. As long as we can do it respectfully, disagreement usually works out for the better in the long run. For me, this is particularly true for the people I supervise or do performance reviews with.
I know it's intimidating to most people to think about disagreeing with their supervisor. Honestly, experience tells me it's intimidating for most people to come to ask for a reference so I can't imagine how most people feel the first time they actually voice a difference of opinion, As intimidating as it may seem, experience also tells me it's essential in ensuring the process and performance continue to operate at a top-notch level. Yes, there's a small art-form to it but there's a lot to read on the subject about how to do it like this Harvard Business Journal Article. Henry Ford, maybe unintentionally illustrated my point better than anyone in history when he said "If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses." This quote is often used when citing innovative practices, and rightfully so, but it also illustrates a simple truth about those innovative practices: we can't innovate if we simply exist as "yes bobbleheads." We might just end up with a bunch of faster horses that have simply been genetically modified, and nobody likes GMO's; at least according to my favorite TV commercials. Go ahead, have some polite and courteous disagreement. We work well together when we truly understand where one another is coming from. We will never fully learn about each other by biting our tongues and withholding our own solutions. Learn how to contribute your thoughts and ideas. Together we'll learn how to approach complex situations and we'll never be afraid to address and correct the elephant in the room. Always being agreeable leads you down the path of least resistance, but that path doesn't ever bring you to the top of the mountain. There's been enough writing done on how change will always be a part of life and how we will need to embrace it or be conquered by it. Fair enough. In a world where the average time a company is in the S&P 500 ( a stock market measure) has shrunk from 33 years to less than 20 years, you can see that change effects, people, businesses and so much more at a pace not yet seen. Yes, those not adapting to change are often getting left behind.
But why? Why do we need to change? We get that the way we've always done it may not work anymore, but why? Honestly, I have never had a great answer for this until this week. Ironically, it's simplistic enough to write, a little bit of an oxymoron, but it sure seems to work. Credit for this idea has to go to Cordel Robinson. He is the Pastor of Leadership Development at the church my family attends and his message this past week really made me see the why behind why change is essential. "The key to growing old is living new." That's it. That's why. While Mr. Robinson was speaking to the spiritual side of things, the truth is, that's why we have to change in education, or any other industry. The key to growing old (which we'll define as becoming rooted and established as a school, district or industry) is to live new, Think about it. It's how we're designed as humans. From the time of our birth until the time of our death, our bodies spend our entire lives making us new again. You shed your entire top layer of your skin about once per month. Your body replenishes over 200 billion red blood cells per day. You shed your baby teeth for your permanent teeth. Your hair goes from... well, we won't go there. You get my point. It's our human design. We grow old by living new. Education has to do the same, we have to grow old by living new. That's why we have to continue to change, often times at a rate we're not comfortable with. While we might wish we could slow down sometimes, at least we're not responsible for rebuilding something 200 billion times a day.
Wayne's World is a movie that always cracked me up. From the iconic scene of the characters lip-syncing Bohemian Rhapsody in the car to all the great one-liners it's certainly a movie that stands the test of time. The scene I posted above, while less memorable, got me thinking about the metaphor of going backstage and what it represents.
You see, everyone sees the show when they go to a concert. Some of us may sit a little closer than others but we all see and hear the same thing; and that thing is exactly what the artist wants us to hear. When you go backstage, however, the tale becomes different. You see things in their raw form, at their core, not something staged for a performance. So what's the tie in to education? Simple. Authentic learning. You learn so much more about your favorite musical artists backstage than you ever could at a show. That's why it's called a show and why shows like VH-1's behind the music (I know, I'm dating myself) Authentic learning is one of those buzz phrases that so many of us talk about, reflect on and try to implement into practice. It's a great idea, learning that reflects a real world application of what's being taught. The interesting thing though is that we often try to do this without being authentic ourselves. So, the question I ask is who has backstage passes to your life? If the answer is not your students, you're going struggle with authentic learning. You see, authentic learning has to come from an authentic source. If you're students don't view you as being authentic, they won't learn in authentic ways from you. Being authentic boils down really to evidence? What evidence do you have that supports you, the authentic person? For example, I tell kids all the time that I do what I do because I love and care about kids. What evidence do I have? I talk about my own kids and the epically awesome moments as well as those tough times where I struggled. I tell them about watching my son being taken straight to a NICU after he was born because he was not breathing regularly. I tell them about traveling halfway around the world to adopt a little girl I had never met. I tell them about how my son cracks me up when he says he wants a pet, and when I ask what kind he says "a yak!" I share my feelings, my struggles, the good and the bad. I'm authentic and I don't shy away from being that way. In other words, I give people a backstage pass to my life, I don't just put on a show. Looking for a way to strengthen and build relationships in your classroom or life as we begin a new year? Give kids a backstage pass into your life. You can do it and be age/content appropriate. I think you would be surprised that many kids have gone through similar circumstances to you. Once you conquer that you'll find new avenues for creating authentic learning experiences. You won't be disappointed. I was driving home the other day when I pulled up behind a nice Cadillac XTS. I like cars so this one definitely caught my eye. The other thing that caught my eye was the vanity license plate on the car. They read "2ND2NO1" (second to no one). While I'd like to think that license represents that persons struggle to overcome obstacles and make something from their life in less than ideal circumstances, I couldn't help but hope that was not how that person approached life.
I'm not going to advocate for self-deprecation here as that can be equally as unflattering. It's ok to acknowledge and accept praise for a job well done. What I will say is that seems a lot more likely to come your way if you approach many situations as being second to everyone. It's easy for me to say this as an educator because it's what we do. Our job is to make those around us better; to help them grow in ways they didn't know were possible. Anyone can do it though. You don't have to be an educator, work for a church, non-profit or the like, you just have to approach things with the benefit of others in mind. I hope that person is experiencing success beyond their wildest dreams. I hope they have an opportunity to be second to someone someday. It's a humbling experience to put others before yourself. In a world where we hear we've "got to get ours" I can honestly tell you that the best I've ever gotten came from being second to someone; putting them before myself. I made my own little vanity plate below. Maybe someday I will get one just like it to go on my car. #2ND2EVRY1 I've seen the picture below making the rounds on the internet. I don't have any complaints about it. They are legitimate issues in education. Many of them need to be discussed and ultimately, resolved. I bet as you read over them you will find yourself agreeing with almost all of them. The interesting thing would be putting together a list of the opposite: Things Teachers Did Sign-Up For. You see, despite all the negative, all that we have to overcome every single day, we still signed up for one thing: to make a difference in a child's life. Nothing listed above can take away the feeling that you get when a kid tells you "thank you" or how you've impacted their life. Nothing on the list can replace how you believed in a child when nobody else would.
We'll get all the things on the list above right someday. It might not be during our lifetime; history can point to countless examples of those who fought for a cause but didn't live to see it come to fruition. Is there any cause greater though than being here, now, laying the groundwork for what is to come? It's why we can't stop the fight, and the fight is putting our best foot forward every single day. It's why we must resist becoming the "get off my lawn" generation of educators. If we put our best out there for the world to see every day, people will take notice. It's this that will make people want to hear our story. And when they hear our story, the change will occur. I am certain that there were plenty of things that Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Abraham Lincoln and numerous others didn't sign up for. However, what they did sign up for is what allowed those things they didn't sign up for to crumble over time. I was participating in the #tlap (Teach Like a Pirate) chat on Twitter last night and I came across the following tweet from @The_Groffice: "Modeling a 'glass half-full' approach to problem solving changes mindsets. Yes, there are challenges, but we overcome them positively facing challenges as opportunities." It's a great point and a point that got me thinking, which is why I love Twitter chats as a form of professional learning, they really make you think.
She got me thinking that if we use the metaphor of the glass, and we view challenges as opportunities, then life truly has free refills. Think about a problem, obstacle or anything you've overcome in life. Do you remember the feeling you felt when you reached that pinnacle of success? It's euphoric. It's that feeling of being able to do anything no matter what gets in your way. That's life giving you a refill. Your glass is no longer half empty or half full. It's full and in many cases it's overflowing. In some ways the best part is that more challenges will come. While that may seem like a dreary outlook to some, think about it. Overcoming challenges is what leads to the free refill. We need challenges in order to get the refills. As the world around us tells us more and more that Adversity and challenge should be responded to with anxiety anger and conflict it is more important than ever that we remember to meet these challenges head-on with our very best. It is equally important that we teach our students to do the same. After all, who does not like a free refill? One of the lost opportunities in learning and life is not sharing enough about ourselves. I wear a few different hats: husband, father and assistant principal being the main three. These are the things that I wish people knew about me broken down over three blog posts, one on each of the three main hats I wear. The final post, Jeff Lahey, father.
I wish people knew that being a dad never scared me. I think it's cliche almost to say that becoming a parent scares you. Truth is, I felt (and still feel) well prepared. The three most exciting days of my life were the day I got married, the day my son was born, and the day we met our daughter in Guangzhou, China. I never felt overwhelmed, only overjoyed. I often wonder if it's because I grew in a family that fostered so many children on their way to being adopted. Either way, it's not something to be afraid of or nervous about. I wish people knew being a dad is not a great responsibility, it's the ultimate responsibility. My kids constantly look at me to guide their lives. You can hear the things I say come out during their pretend play. You can see their body language reflecting my own in certain situations and the list could go on forever. My kids look to me as a role model, it's important I'm there to be one. I wish people knew that being an assistant principal actually makes it harder to discipline your own kids. I'm not exactly sure how to explain this one other than to say I tend to have more patience for the kids I work with than the kids I live with. I wish people knew that having a "blended" family makes for some amazing learning experiences. Most of you are aware that my daughter is adopted, but you may not realize we adopted out of birth order. This means we had our son first but adopted a child older than he is. It's amazing how much I have learned from their interactions with each other and just how much of a child's life can empower an adult. Finally, I wish my children knew that all the struggles, redirections and everything else that comes with being "dad" are more than worth it for those moments when they ask if they can sit in my lap and read a book or snuggle up with me in my chair or on the couch. It's all worth it and I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. One of the lost opportunities in learning and life is not sharing enough about ourselves. I wear a few different hats: husband, father and assistant principal being the main three. These are the things that I wish people knew about me broken down over three blog posts, one on each of the three main hats I wear. The second post, Jeff Lahey, Husband.
I wish people knew that this will be the most difficult post I ever write. It will highlight my shortcomings but will hopefully lead to growth. I wish people knew that this is most important hat I wear. I'm hardly one to write the book on being a great husband but the first step is recognizing what is important. The other two hats only exist because of the love and support I get from my spouse. I sometimes get too wrapped up in my work and spend entirely too many hours on things that could probably wait. Work-life balance is something I have always struggled with. I wish people knew that I truly believe I married out of my league. I am forever grateful to my wife for allowing me to spend the last 10+ years with her. I could not and would not be where I am today without her support. I wish people knew that as much as I like to give of myself to others, my wife does not receive near as much of this as she should. I can get very self-centered and impatient when I come home at the end of the day. I would say that I hope she knows how much I care about her but hope is not much of a plan. I wish people knew that I am going to do better as a husband. That's the beauty of blogging. You can put it out there and now you're accountable to it. I wish more people I knew would try it. |
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